Paul Drabbles
by Bladequeen2000
Summary: Title says all. First one features Paul being left alone with a toddler. Second one features Paul as a kid on his home planet. More to come soon! R&R!
1. Advanced Hide and Seek

**(I'm currently experiencing some writer's block for my story It Must Be Fate, so I'm trying to overcome it by writing these little oneshots (more will come with any lasting writer's block). I thought it'd be amusing to see how Paul handles being left alone with a toddler dealing with separation anxiety. Oh the joys of parenthood! Hopefully this stimulates some inspiration and I can update my other fanfic, but for now, I hope you enjoy this one! Good day (or night) to all!)**

**Advanced Hide and Seek**

This was bullshit. Thirty straight minutes of crying after Tara left the house was really wearing on Paul's patience. Even now, the kid was sitting in front of the front door, clutching the teddy bear Tara gave her, crying her eyes out. He tried to distract her, console her a bit, basically everything he could think of and still she kept crying. It wasn't as if Tara would be gone for long, he was extremely grateful for that, and after a half an hour of listening to something that was a kin to chewing on a piece of aluminum foil, Paul was ready to stuff the child in a storage cabinet just to muffle the noise.

Thirty fucking minutes of this. He momentarily fantasized about dumping her outside and just leaving her there. Maybe someone else would be willing to deal with her for a while, though he couldn't think of anyone who would. Then he thought of the large birds of prey that like to chill in their backyard for whatever reason; how they might not appreciate some small creature making that awful noise and swoop down just to shut her up. An extremely pissed off Tara came to mind and he trashed that idea.

Oh, sure, he loved the girl, she was his and Tara's after all, but seriously, thirty fucking minutes? He had about all he could take and just leaving the room wasn't going to help. He tried that. She would just get up and follow him around the house, still crying as if expecting him to do something about Tara not being here. If he left the room and closed the door directly behind him, she'd sit right at the door and keep crying and even that was annoying.

He swore that when Tara finally did come back, he was never doing this again as long as she was at this phase of development. With that thought in mind, he promptly got up from where he sitting and walked out of the room. It wouldn't work, but he really needed to get away from it before he hung himself or something. He could hear the tell-tale hics as she was getting up to follow him again. Shit.

He darted into the first room he came to, which was much like a bathroom, and jumped out of his shorts. As he heard her little footsteps coming down the hallway, he hid his shorts in a nearby storage closet and held his breath for his camoflage response. She came to a stop outside the doorway, sniffling and whimpering a bit, but her eyes were searching for him. He quietly stepped behind the door and watched her, she was peering into the bathroom. She took a few steps inside, her eyes wandering over the plumbing, but not seeing Paul.

She then turned and walked out of the bathroom, looking up and down the hallway trying to find him. At least she wasn't crying anymore. Instead, she walked up the hall toward the bedrooms. Paul peaked around the doorway to watch her a little more. She sniffled a bit and wiped her eyes as she looked into his and Tara's room.

"Pau'?" She called out in her little voice. He remembered that his name was her first word. He just came out of his room one day when she was awake and when she saw him, out it came. He had to admit that she was adorable when she wasn't getting on his nerves. She went into the bedroom and he crept out of the bathroom to follow her, just to keep an eye on her. He still had to make sure she didn't hurt herself until Tara came back. At this point, she was standing next to a nightstand, looking up at an ashtray and then at the door.

She called out his name again and waited a few seconds before looking back at the ashtray. He could tell what she was thinking. She knew either he or Tara were always there to keep her from getting into things she wasn't allowed to. So logically, if she went for the ashtray, she figured he'd show up. Smart fucking kid.

He made a short hissing noise through his teeth as she reached up to grab the ashtray. It wasn't enough to bring him out of his camoflage response and she jumped and turned around, eyes scanning the room.

"Pau'?" She called again. He didn't move, but soon she was back to trying for the ashtray again, this time while looking about the room as if expecting him to pop out in time to stop her. He smirked a bit and he had to hand it to her, she was pretty clever for a toddler. He quietly backed up a little and knocked on the wall in the hallway. She looked to the doorway and smiled a bit, trotting over into the hall.

Paul had pressed against the wall to keep her from bumping into him and she stopped when she couldn't see him in the hallway. He needed to breathe again, but he needed to distract her with something and looked around for anything to throw. He spotted a small screw under a piece of furniture in the room and quickly picked it up while her back was turned to him. He aimed for some decorative statuette and chucked the screw down the hall. It pinged against the object and clattered to the floor, grabbing her attention as she ran down the hall to look for the source of the noise.

He stepped further into the bedroom and exhaled, panting to catch his breath. He could hear her giggling down the hall like she discovered this was some kind of game they were playing. Well, if a game distracted her enough to keep her from crying anymore, Paul was willing to play until Tara came back. Once he caught his breath, he held it again and snuck into the hall. He could see her looking around the living room and he quietly made his way over to her.

She was looking around furniture as if expecting to see him right on the other side. He snuck up behind her and tugged a little at her long blonde hair, backing out of the way for her reaction. She turned and threw her teddy bear in the direction she thought he was in. Obviously she thought if the bear bounced against him, then she found him and the game was over. However, the bear simply sailed across the room for a bit and landed with a soft thud on the floor.

She went over to pick it up and looked around the room again. He wanted to get her into a different room and looked for the screw he threw earlier. When he found it, he chucked it into the next room off to the side and heard it clatter against several objects before landing on the floor. He looked over at her just in time to duck the bear that was thrown at him. It bumped against the wall and landed without hitting him.

Heh, missed. He smirked as he moved aside for her to get to the bear. The screw method wasn't going to work anymore because now she was watching for movement rather than listening for noise. Clever. Now it was time for the gloves to come off...

* * *

><p>Fourty-five minutes went by fast, especially if one was busy dodging flying teddy bears and trying not to get caught by an 18-month old while holding one's breath. To be honest, it was actually kind of fun and the kid was pretty sharp, showing signs of really thinking about how she was going to make Paul appear. Using methods like moving things, tapping on the walls, poking her and even grabbing her teddy bear would lose their effectiveness after only a few attempts, which made looking for a safe spot to breathe again without getting caught a little more challenging. There were times when she almost got him with the bear and when he almost let go of his breath. She was determined to find him and he had to give her that.<p>

Although he was hoping the game would end soon since he was starting to get a headache from holding his breath so many times, he was enjoying seeing how she simply would not give up until she made him reappear. He was ducking behind a couch in the living room, to stay out of throwing range of the teddy bear, when the front door opened and Tara stepped in. The kid immediately looked to the front door and ran over, grinning. Paul used this time while she was distracted to go back to the bathroom and find his shorts. Shit, where did he put them again?

As he released his breath in the bathroom and looked behind the door and then in cabinets for his pants, he could hear Lilith trying to explain in child babble and broken english what they had been doing for the past hour and fifteen minutes. Once he found his pants, he slipped them on and went back out to see them...only to be greeted with a teddy bear to the face. Luckily it was the soft side.

"Pau'!" Lilith cried from Tara's arms, chuckling.

"Yeah, you found me." Paul said, bending to pick up the teddy bear.

"What were you two doing this whole time?" Tara asked.

"Nothin'. Just fooling around." Paul replied, handing the bear back to Lilith who took it grinning.

**(Disclaimer: I don't own Paul and Tara, but I do own Lilith. R&R!)**


	2. Kid Paul Makes a Friend

_**(As the summary suggests, I'll be doing multiple drabbles of Paul and putting them here. This one features Paul as a young kid back on his home planet. As most Paul fans probably are, I'm curious as to what he was like as a kid and what he was into. My personal version, he wasn't much different than he is now and had a hilarious, if not unusual, way of making new friends. This drabble is one such time. Just note that it was made apparent in the movie that his real name was Mork, therefore, no one is going to call him Paul in this drabble. Also, since there is yet to be a name for Paul's species (last I heard at least), I'm going to call them Andros after the Andromeda galaxy. I hope you enjoy this! Good day (or night) to all!)**_

_**(A/N Update: Someone pointed out to me that the whole Mork thing was actually a joke reference in the movie. Most likely, I'm too young to get the reference so quite naturally it flew over my head... It appears that I have some editing to do...)**_

**Kid Paul Makes a Friend**

**Pa-Do-Teo was the most pointless day of the week, in Paul's opinion. It was the only tradition that Andros held onto since their tribal societies millions of years ago. Back then, it was held one day of each year and featured a chosen elder addressing the village youth about important life lessons to remember. Over time, its consistency shifted to once a month and now, once a week. They even kept its old tribal name, which sounded different than their native language. **

**Their civilization eventually grew into the concept that everyone, not just educators, had something to offer the next generation in terms of knowledge. So, every week, a citizen was randomly selected from an updated census and, once chosen, struck from the roster so they wouldn't be chosen twice. Then it was up to the chosen individual to figure out what they were going to teach the coming group of kids, how they were going to teach them, and where. It was, unfortunately, mandatory, like Jury Duty on a particular planet that Paul wouldn't be aware that existed until much later in his life. Today, the chosen individual was a geologist; the chosen method, lecturing and demonstration through experiments; the chosen location, where else but outside just a few miles away from civilization.**

**They'd be stuck with this guy for a couple of hours and Paul was starting to tune him out. Pa-Do-Teo wasn't always boring, it just seemed that lately they kept getting stuck with people who were probably only cooperating just to get their names off the roster and could care less what they taught the next generation. Well, to be honest, this guy seemed at least a little into teaching them something about geology, Paul just wasn't really into it today. As usual, with immaturity and boredum came mischief and Paul was not above mischief. Of all the abilities Andros possessed from birth, Paul was especially fond of the camoflage response and generally liked to fool around with it whenever an opportunity arose. **

**As he spotted a group of his female classmates, chatting amongst themselves by a large rock, he saw yet another opportunity. He smirked to himself and slowly weaved his way to the back of the group, seemingly unnoticed by the other children or the geologist. Yet, unbeknownst to him as he was undressing himself behind the big rock, another kid watched him without making it obvious. This other kid didn't know Paul well enough, but he was aware that Paul habitually pulled these camoflage pranks with a rather annoying frequency. Oh, sure, they were funny at first and he did come up with some creative ways to surprise people, but the kid felt it was time that Paul got a surprise of his own for once. **

**Once Paul held his breath and disappeared, the other kid quickly looked around for something to throw at him. He spotted a fist sized rock and a small branch, smirking as he picked both of them up. He figured Paul was probably going to climb on top of the large rock overlooking the group of girls and reappear naked, basically flashing them. The other kid tossed the rock in the air, holding the branch like a baseball bat. His intention was to hit Paul upside the head or at least his torso with the rock, but the instant he felt the branch connect with the rock a few inches lower than needed, he realized the trajectory of the rock was headed much lower than both desired targets. **

**He heard a thud and saw Paul instantly reappear over the large rock, hunched over and grasping between his legs. He let out a painful wail and fell over on his side, everyone's attention now focused on a curled up and rather exposed Paul. The other kid grimaced, feeling a sympathy pain in his own stomach as he ran over to Paul's side, dropping the branch. He hadn't meant to hurt him and now he felt bad. He could hear some people laughing at Paul's expense while others seemed genuinely concerned. **

**The geologist, however, just looked annoyed. "What the hell are you kids doing back there?" He groused as he made his way over. **

**"Hey, you okay?" The kid asked Paul as he knelt over him, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to hit you there, I swear."**

**Paul coughed as he glared up at the offender who not only ruined his prank, but put him in a rather humiliating and painful position. "That was you? You...asshole!"**

**With the last word, Paul rolled over and sent his fist into the kid's crotch, who immediately doubled-over in pain curled up next to Paul. The geologist had walked up to them and frowned as he looked down at Paul. "Why are you naked?"**

**He shook his head when he realized he didn't want to know. "Nevermind, just get your clothes back on and when you two are done making fools of yourselves, make your way to the front of the group."**

**With that, the geologist turned away, ushering the other children back to the lecturing area. By now, Paul had pushed himself into a sitting position, leaning against the rock for support. The other kid rolled over to face him and coughed. "Okay...we're even."**

**"What the hell was that for anyway?" Paul asked, a bit incensed. **

**"I wanted to catch you off guard, I guess." The kid replied. "You've been pulling the same camoflage shit for a while now. It really is funny, but sometimes it's a little annoying. I honestly didn't mean to hit you in the nuts, but I didn't hit the rock right..."**

**"Yeah?" Paul said in a huff as he grabbed his discarded clothes. He supposed he was going a little overboard with his camoflage response and considered taking a break from it for a while. Of course, this wasn't discouraging him from ever using it like this again. **

**"Look, I'll make you a deal. You lay up on the camoflage pranks, I'll lay up on the nutshots, deal?" The kid offered, sitting up and holding out his hand. Paul smirked a bit bitterly, but shook the kid's hand anyway.**

**"Deal." He said, putting his clothes back on. The kid scooted over to the rock to use it as support. **

**"My name's Delack, by the way, but everyone calls me Del."**

**"Alright, Del." He offered his hand to Del to help him up as he looked over at the rest of the group. "Let's get this day over and done with."**

**"Heh, right." Del chuckled as they both hobbled back over to the group, making their way to the front as previously instructed.**

_**(Disclaimer: I don't Paul or any characters created by Simon Pegg and Nick Frost, but I do own Del. R&R! I think I may bring Del into my story It Must Be Fate. It depends on how things go. Also, for some reason, the Doc Manager would only let me save my progress if all the text was in bold...)**_


	3. Old Fears and New Beginnings

**( This was supposed to be a response for et2brute's 'Rewrite'. The setting takes place after both the events of the movie and 'Rewrite'. Since it isn't finished, I figured I'd just post it in my drabble pile. I hope you all enjoy this! Good day to all!)**

**Old Fears, New Beginnings**

_-Tara-_

To live happily ever after. I first became aware of this idea when I just a little girl, when my mother was still alive and read me stories. Most of them ended with '...they lived happily ever after.' As a child, I believed this was a real outcome in life. The hero would always go through challenges and meet many obstacles, but in the end, no matter what the hero went through, it was all worth it because happiness was the reward.

Even after I had my own personal adventure, meeting Paul and rescuing him from that crash, I believed that no matter how hard things became, no matter how much adversity and ridicule I had to face, my own reward would be just like those heroes in the stories. I would soon learn a harsh lesson: reality was nothing like those stories. In reality, not every hero is rewarded for their deeds or resilience. As the years went by and the ridicule continued, I grew more and more bitter until I finally wanted nothing to do with the rest of the world. I told myself that I didn't need them or their approval and they didn't need me.

So I shut myself away and blocked them all out. I didn't have to let them hurt me anymore and after a while, I no longer cared what their opinions were of me. I still had Pa and he never judged me, even though I knew he didn't really believe me. I was always grateful for his presence until he died, then I was really alone. It didn't really bother me at first, I had been able to look after myself since I was a little girl, and I had convinced myself that I could carry on without him because he had taught me everything he knew and taught me well.

I never anticipated how awful the loneliness could become. I did crave the company of other people sometimes, but I remembered how cruel they treated me and simply resigned to another solution: Paul. I'd wait for Paul. Whether that meant him coming back to me in person or just catching a glimpse of his ship zooming across the night sky didn't matter to me. I considered both options my reward for everything that happened.

Every night for many years, I'd sit on my porch or look out my window to see if I could catch some sign that he was still there. Every night I held strong to the belief that he was real and that he really happened. Every night I refused to believe that I was crazy and had gone through all of this for nothing. No, Paul was real, I was right, and I believed that one day he and I would prove them all wrong. Marijuana would help me deal with the loneliness in the meantime.

I held onto this my whole life with every fiber of my being until my resolve started to weaken. It's only natural, after all, one could only handle so much. Up until recently, I held true to what I believed. However, as I became tired of waiting and trying to be strong for myself, I started to consider the possibility that everyone else was right. Paul wasn't real and I had been suffering loneliness and ridicule all this time because of a delusion.

This had made me angry, mostly with myself. How could I have been such a fool? I wasted my entire life waiting for a dream that would never come true! It was too late to change things around for myself and there was no going back. A childhood fantasy would be the true death of me and I would fade into these walls without anyone ever knowing nor caring.

This house would be my tomb and together we would rot away with time. They'd be none the wiser for it and I would cease to even be a memory in someone's mind. I had almost succumbed to this, but in that pivotal moment, he came back. He just showed up one day on my doorstep much like he did the night we first met: suddenly and without warning. I was surprised, but also a little angry with him.

How could he make me wait that long, to the point where I almost stopped believing in him? I felt young and foolish, like a girl whose lover returned after breaking her heart. I think there was even a moment where I blamed him for everything that happened and as he had tried to make things right between us, I had started to vent the pain of sixty years of isolation to him. He listened and patiently waited for me to finish, but even as I spoke, I realized that it wasn't his fault. Sometimes things just happen and we can't always control it.

I wasn't angry anymore, I was grateful. His presence proved that I was right and that I hadn't gone through all of that pain for nothing. My faith in him was finally being rewarded and my childhood fable of living happily ever after like the heroes in the stories would finally be just as real as he was...

Only for fate to tell me that our story wasn't over yet.

Those men had come back to take him away again and we had to leave. He told me to follow him and his new friends and I did. Even for the short time that I knew him on Earth, Paul was my friend and I would do anything for him. If it meant risking my life to save him again, I would do everything I could to keep him away from those men and help him get home. Knowing that he was safe and far from any torment waiting for him back with those men was the best comfort I could receive.

Yet when it came time for him to leave, fate sent me down one last unexpected turn. He was taking me with him to his home world. I couldn't believe it at first and he explained that he owed me for how my life turned out. He blamed himself for everything that happened, but I couldn't let him believe that. I made up my mind through the excitement and wonder that as long as I was with him, I'd do everything I could to convince him of the truth: it wasn't his fault.

It was never his fault. As part of his promise to me, he returned my youth, giving me what I saw as a fresh start to a new life far from my old demons. If I live a thousand years, I could never repay him for everything he'd done for me. I will always feel indebted to him...

**(Let me know if I should continue this or just leave it where it is... I had started this, but then lost my inspiration for it so now I'm not sure where to go with it. I don't want to delete it so I figured I'll just post what I have so far and get back to it at a later date.) **_  
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